FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
Disclaimer: this post in tongue-in-cheek
The New Saint Thomas Institute is delighted to reveal its new mascot: Tommy the Muskox!
The New Saint Thomas Institute is an online member institution offering fun college style courses in Catholic philosophy and theology led by Dr. Taylor Marshall.
The courses are delivered in HD quality video to your computer, iPhone, mobile device, or tablet. October’s courses will focus on the teaching of Saint Thomas Aquinas.
Member students will have the opportunity to earn Certificates of Mastery in Catholic Philosophy and Theology. “This is the perfect opportunity for people to go deeper in their Faith without having to move to a college campus.”
The Official Mascot of the New Saint Thomas Institute
Taylor Marshall announced on Wednesday that their “Let’s Choose a Sweet Mascot Committee” finally settled on a candidate from an ovibovine species aptly named “Tommy the Muskox.”
Tommy the Muskox sent in the attached video with his resume and application. Needless to say, the “Let’s Choose a Sweet Mascot Committee” was amazed by his mind-numbing head powers:
If you cannot see the video in your browser or email, click here. It’s truly amazing.
“We really couldn’t be happier with Tommy the Muskox,” Dr. Marshall told reporters at the Institute on Wednesday afternoon. “Our ‘Let’s Choose a Sweet Mascot Committee’ was in gridlock between two candidates: Tommy the Muskox and a traditional Italian work-ox named Albert the Smart Ox.”
When asked why the Committee hired the Tommy the Muskox, Dr. Marshall remarked, “Well, our school motto is Non alligabis os bovis, which is Latin for “Thou shalt not muzzle an ox.” It comes the Bible (1 Cor 9:9). It’s a corny reference to our patron Saint Thomas Aquinas, who was known as The Dumb Ox.”
The New Saint Thomas Institute also had concerns over the traditional meaning of the word “ox,” which is properly defined as: “Castrated bull over four years old. Typically domesticated to pull plows and tread grain.”
“Honestly, the idea of a castrated mascot just didn’t test well in our market surveys,” Dr. Marshall explained to reporters. “Plus, my wife Joy saw a photo of the muskox and said, ‘Ahhh, he’s so adorable.’ Best of all, muskoxen like Tommy are not castrated.”
So Who is This Tommy the Muskox?
Tommy the Muskox hails from Greenland, but he grew up in Canada. The New Saint Thomas Institute believes that Tommy the Muskox’s background communicates the international scope of their student body.
“I grew up on a Catholic ranch,” Tommy the Muskox explained, “but I cannot honestly claim to be a trained Thomist.”
“Fortunately, my contract included a lifetime membership to the New Saint Thomas Institute. I’m looking forward to learning more from all the great video courses and resources offered to the Members of the New Saint Thomas Institute.”
Tommy the Muskox continues: “I’ll also be making guest appearances inside the Institute’s Membership site from time to time to lighten things up. If a Member gets out of line, I’ll ram him with my head. See video above for details.”
Plans for the October 7 Launch – 500 Spots
“It was important for our NSTI mascot to be in place before the Institute’s launch on October 7th,” said Dr. Marshall. “Tommy has settled in and he’s getting along great with the staff. Just between us, Tommy definitely smells musky. Our office aroma has taken a hit. However, Joy went to Costco and purchased a case of Febreze. Hopefully that will help.”
Tommy the Muskox also preparing for the big launch: “We’re going to have only 500 original Charter Members in the initial launch of the Institute. We don’t want to be overwhelmed. Streaming HD video courses to hundreds of people at one time can get tricky.”
“If you want to take online courses with Dr. Taylor Marshall and move toward a diploma in Catholic philosophy and theology, then the New Saint Thomas Institute is for you.”
“Sign up and you’ll be part of our student body as one of the Mighty Mighty Muskoxen!
Will there be more Membership spots available in the future?
“Yes, but not these initial 500 special Charter Memberships which will be available on October 7. Charter Members will lock in their tuition at $25 monthly. Their tuition will not change. In the future when we open up more spots, new Members after this initial class of 500 spots will have a higher tuition.
“The NSTI tuition for online collegiate courses will begin to rise up to about $40 – which is still only 2% of what a normal college course costs at a Catholic University. So if you want to lock in your $25 tuition Charter Membership, be sure to register on the opening day. There are only 500 spots and there are currently 2,289 people waiting for them.”
Please visit the site to learn more by clicking here.
In the meantime, “Let’s go Mighty Mighty Muskoxen!!!”
PS: Get yourself a New Saint Thomas “Tommy the Muskox” T-Shirt by clicking here! You can even pick your own color!
PPS: This was just a spoof post. But seriously, Tommy the Muskox will our adorable mascot for the NSTI, and we are the Mighty Mighty Muskoxen. Now we just need to form a virtual football team and a chess club!
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