Why are Christians failing so miserably in the social debate on matrimony, abortion, and the redefinition of family? We are losing because the most powerful weapon in social reform is how we relate WORDS to ACTIONS.
Words carry ideas. Ideas change people. So if a regime changes the meaning of words, the regime changes the ideas of people.
What is Marriage? Finding a Definition
Take “marriage,” for example. Marriage is an institution that ratifies a monogamous sexual exclusive relationship for procreation.
Notice the words I’m using here: monogamous, sexual, exclusive, procreation.
It’s not essentially a legal arrangement for “best friends.” It’s not a legal arrangement for insuring hospital visitation rights. It’s not essentially a structure for tax benefits. Holy Matrimony is an institution that ratifies a monogamous sexual exclusive relationship for procreation.
It is a legal contract and covenant that grants exclusive sexual access to one another’s body till the death of one spouse. It always hopes for the fruition of children whether God grants children or not. That’s what marriage is. By fully consenting to this reality, a marriage bond was publicly created.
The historic reason why marriage includes the additional lumping together of financial assets is: children, their rearing, and their inheritance!
But modern society has changed the definition of marriage and by doing so they have changed everyone’s idea of marriage.
Falling in/out of Love
With the advent of the birth control pill, the idea that the marriage contract meant exclusive sexual access to a spouse for the rearing of children decayed.
Decades later, they began to depict marriage as “falling in love.” If you fall in love, then you should be married. The problem is the phenomenon of “falling out of love.” And so in the 1970s we got “no fault divorce.” The children suffered. Matrimony had been a public institution to create and protect the next generation. The children were royally screwed over in the 1970s.
“Love Wins” With Same Sex
So for decades heterosexual spouses performed (and deformed) marriage by “falling in love” and “falling out of love’ while cranking up the divorce rate. Birthrates plummeted. There was no longer any sound reason in this new definition of marriage to prevent same sex marriage. If two men “fall in love” why not have a legal ceremony that means, um, very little to heterosexual people.
Heterosexuals since the 1960s already demonstrated to society that marriage does not mean:
- male/female role polarity
- life-long monogamy
- covenantal indissolubility
- natural conception and birth of babies
- staying together to raise children
- growing old together
Think about it. It was heterosexuals who destroyed those 6 points above – not the gay community! The homosexual lobby merely had to wait for the “normal society” to redefine things in their favor.
Matrimony works because it assures paternity assurance. If a woman has intercourse with 10 men and then becomes pregnant along the way, none of those 10 men are going to provide for that woman and care for the new baby. There is no paternity assurance. Men only invest where there is paternity security. Having children requires effort, time and money. A cuckolded man isn’t going devote that much energy in a promiscuous culture where progeny cannot be secured. That’s why we have the quickly growing MGTOW culture for men. Society breaks down.
How You Can become a Healer for a Broken Culture
I wrote about 10 Radical Ways We Can Reclaim Matrimony. There I explained our strategy to “take back” traditional vocabulary. One way we can accomplish this is to the avoid the word “individual.” Originally, the term individualis was applied to the the “undivided” essence of the Holy Trinity.
Around 1750, the word “individual” began to be used in place of a human “person.“ Why? Because society was already being restructured as “individualistic.” You can keep dividing nations, states, cities, even families, but according to them you can’t divide the “individual.” This was the era leading up to the French Revolution. The important aspect for an anti-Christian society was to elevate the solo-person – the undivided individual. Every man an island.
Previously, Christians spoke of “persons” not “individuals.” The family was the basic “undivided” unity (everyone comes from a family – not from an individual) for Christendom. But now it is the “individual” that it is the basic unit. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to be an Individual (revolutionary). I want to be a Person (Trinitarian).
Reclaiming as an Example of Light
Remember how we learned that we must reclaim right WORDS and associate them with right ACTIONS. Ultimately, the best thing you can do is mentor others with your good example. This is how you best reprogram the definitions of words. If you are single, then you can live a life of noble chastity and avoid the hook up culture. Live with personal dignity and demonstrate the joy of Jesus Christ in your life.
If you are married, the best thing you can do is show your children how much you love and respect your spouse. This will overflow to those around you.
- Are you kind to one another? Do you give each other the benefit of the doubt before a fight breaks out?
- Men, are you affectionate with your wife when you get home. (Wives deeply desire love, affection and approval [“I love you and I missed you today. Close your eyes while I kiss you.”] more than they desire gifts or respect.)
- Women, do you respect your husband in front of the children and your friends? (Husbands deeply desire honor/respect [“I’m so proud that you’re my husband. You work so hard!”] more than they desire love.)
- Are you quietly teaching those in your circle of influence that lifelong exclusive monogamy is beautiful, sweet, and rewarding?
- Do you fight back the fear of having babies in this crazy world?
Our best strategy is living Holy Matrimony and living it with joy and a smile on our face. It is difficult. It is a challenge. My wife Joy is pregnant with baby #8 and it’s much harder on her than baby #1. Much harder! (Ladies, can I get a witness.) But she is living a heroic life and I can’t help but admire her love for me, our new baby, and her profound dedication to our wedding vows.
If you are a student Member of the New Saint Thomas Institute, please watch our 2-part video series in which my wife Joy and I sit down in front of the video camera to talk about those issues as they relate to our own lives and how we grapple with these challenges in our marriage.
You can find this video series in the “Catholic Certificate in Theology” module on Sacramental Theology:
If you are not yet a Member of the New Saint Thomas Institute, we will be soon opening enrollment for a few new spots. NSTI is the largest Catholic online education institute in the world with 1,800 Catholic students from 30 nations. If you’d like to join our student body, and earn a Certificate in Catholic Theology with me, please sign up here. (There are currently 280 people on the waiting list for NSTI. Today’s enrollment is limited to the first 300). Please visit newsaintthomas.com to learn more about what we do and what we offer through the New Saint Thomas Institute. And don’t forget to join our waiting list if you are interested Save your spot!
Just like the early confessors and martyrs – we must live heroic lives. People are converted when they see the love of Jesus. That could be in seeing a Coptic Christian beheaded by ISIS. It could also be in the powerful witness of a young mother sweetly caring for her babies. Or by watching a handsome man care for his wife and honor her till death as the mother of his children.
You’d be surprised how much your actions touch the hearts of others. The Sacred Heart of Jesus is in your heart. Share His Heart with the hearts of others.
Cor ad cor loquitur,